There are times when I wish that I had been kinda sassyÂ andÂ brave enough to stand against what I was being told to do when I was a younger woman and started attempting to write before life became complicated, like adult life generally is.
Instead of going to teachers college I wish I had tried to write novels like the ones I would lose myself in for hours at a time instead of doing my assignments. I wish I hadnâ€™t listened to the university lecturer who told me point blank that writing for children was the hardest form of writing, that only the very best should ever attempt it and decide there and then that it wasnâ€™t for me.
And yet,Â if Iâ€™m honest with myself, when I look back to the works I wrote,Â they lacked depth, understanding and mostly it lacked soul. If I hadnâ€™t travelled the journey that has brought me to this place in my life, I think that my dream of becoming a published author would be nothing but a pipe dream, or maybe not a dream at all.
What truly matters is that I think the dream is worth striving for even now. Even when I think itâ€™s beyond reach; that I’ve lost the chance to be what I believe God has designed me to be, I believe itâ€™s worth continuing to try.
I just wish that there were more hours in the day to devote to the striving. More hoursâ€¦? Or more productive hours? Hmmâ€¦ not sure I like what that line of thought is suggesting.
Oh that imaging the stories and putting them down on paper didnâ€™t cause me to struggle and work as they do. I long for the day that the writing comes effortlessly. I wish that I didnâ€™t need outside validation as much as I still do. That when I read a piece of work created a few years ago I didnâ€™t cringe and thinkâ€¦ “Oh, thatâ€™s baaaad!” but rather that I saw the talent that is within me.
But itâ€™s OK. Even when rather than sassy self belief, there areÂ Â long weeks of self-doubt, when the writing just doesnâ€™t come at all, its all part of the journey.